


A Room of One's Own

by wingedgods



Series: Big Damn Heroes [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Last Thoughts, Other, Smuggler bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 16:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedgods/pseuds/wingedgods
Summary: Somewhere, far away, there is a room.





	A Room of One's Own

Somewhere, far away, there is a room.

  
It was small, just a bed pushed in a corner, a bit of clutter. Little surprises that could be stored in pockets during odd jobs; a second-hand holopad; a jar of silvery sand as a reminder.

  
Jyn never called it a home. It was just a room, a constant. A place of respite, in between jobs. A place to breathe. A room of her own. It would have a thin layer of dust covering it now, it had been so many months since she last left.

  
The room lives within a home, the home of a young woman. Jyn could close her eyes and picture Jaqval’s face perfectly: thin scar on her top lip, the wisps of white blonde hair, the crinkle of her eyes when she laughed. Jaqval gave Jyn of room of her own, without Jyn asking. She just smiled and told Jyn to come back when she needed to.

  
The room she shared with few. Hadder never saw the interior, never ran his fingers along the window sill. It hurt to think of him, it would always hurt. She felt the ghost of him when she looked at Cassian, passionate and angry, a rebel to the core. Hadder could have been him. Or maybe he could have been Bodhi, dedicated to doing the right thing. They would have liked each other.

  
She let herself imagine sharing her room with Cassian and Bodhi. Imagined Cassian curled up in the bed with the holopad, a crease in his brow as he read. Imagined Jaqval coaxing Bodhi out of his shell, with curious questions and elaborate stories. The three of them would have ganged up on Jyn, teased her with love in their eyes.

  
In the room, Jyn would let her shoulders drop. She’d curl up in the bed, her back to the wall, and let the dreams overtake her. Let Galen, Lyra, Saw, and Akyshaya whisper imagined goodbyes her. Let the anxiety claw at her skin, let the sorrow fill her lungs. Only in this room, she let herself feel.  
She was not alone, though. Jaqval was there, careful inquiries and thoughtful advice. She’d listen, pull Jyn in close, tighten her arms around Jyn’s shoulder. Jyn would hug back, let herself feel safe.

  
Han and Chewie had been invited once. It’s a memory that Jyn lets herself enjoy. Jaqval had not been impressed by the trio falling into her space, sweaty and bruised. She lectured as Jyn bandaged Han’s burned arm and refused to cook them dinner. Han and Chewie still camped on the floor in the center of the house, Jaqval not about to turn away Jyn’s other family. Han’s bravado was met with exasperated hand gestures and biting sarcasm. Chewie’s whining was met with exaggerated eyerolls and hidden smiles. Jyn remembered that feeling of warmth watching the three of them interact, and that deep need to keep them safe, to keep them home.

  
She wants to bring Cassian & Bodhi with her, wants them all together. Jaqval would be annoyed with more people in her house but would whisper in Jyn’s ear how happy she looks, how tall she stands, how free she seems. Maybe Jaqval would tease just a little bit about these handsome men sleeping in Jyn’s bed. Jyn would say, “Han this is Cassian Andor.” And Han would say, “I know you. You fucked up my job one time.” And Cassian would be unapologetic, and Han would rant and Bodhi would be confused and Chewie would just let Han go, instead gesturing for Cassian and Bodhi to join him for a drink. Jaqval would say, “Don’t drink all MY liquor you fucking Wookie.” Then Jaqval would outdrink them all, and Bodhi would impress them all with his wicked sense of humor. Han would drape his arm around Jyn’s shoulder and say, “The rebellion, huh?” Jyn would say, “We’d could always use more pilots.” Bodhi would say, a little drunk, “Need something better then that hunk of junk you’re flying,” and Han would start another rant. And Jyn would laugh and laugh and laugh. Everyone would stare and look at her, and she’d blush, because she’s never laughed like that before. Chirrut and Baze would come too. Jaqval and Baze would be kindred spirits, she thought.

  
She is not alone now. Cassian is knelt in front of her now. She really thought they’d make it out. She thought they’d have a chance. He asks:

  
“Do you think anyone is listening?”  
“I do.”

  
Han would lean against the edge of a table, rub at his forehead. “Why kid? We were supposed to be surviving.”

  
She’d say, “I had to do it because no one else would.”

  
He’d shake his head. “We aren’t supposed to be big damn heroes. We are just supposed to live.”

  
She’d say, “Han.” He’d look off to the side, refuse to let her see the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Han.”

  
He’d go. “I know kid.” Still not looking at her he’d say, “I love you kid.”

  
She’d smile and say. “I know.” He’d scoff. “Goodbye.”

  
He wouldn’t say it back, just put a hand on her shoulder and squeeze.

  
“Your father would have been proud of you, Jyn.” She smiles, looks at Cassian. He looks tired, blood dripping down his forehead. He doesn’t look regretful. He is beautiful. Her father would have been proud.

  
“I thought I told you, you can’t only live for other people.” Jaqval would say, unable to resist a bit of chiding, even at the end.

  
“I never knew I could do this, that I could be this person.” Jyn would admit, allowing herself a moment of pride.

  
“I’m proud of you.” Jaqval would whisper, after pulling her in for a hug. Jyn would cling to Jaqval, savor that sense of safety, that feeling of love.

  
“Thank you for everything.” Jyn had always wanted to say. “Thank you for the lectures and the drinks and the laughter and the room.”

  
“I’ll keep the room open for you.” Jaqval would say. “Anytime.”

  
“Goodbye.”  
“Goodbye.”

  
Cassian is looking at her, studying her. She wants to know who he’s remembering, who he’s saying goodbye to. She reaches for his hands, entangles their fingers. They’re together, looking as their deaths fly towards them. She’s glad he’s there. She thinks he must be glad too, as they reach for each other. His hands grasp at her back, anchoring his body against hers. She presses her face into his neck.

  
“I’m scared,” She’d admit, only to Chewie.

  
“I know something about fear.” He’d say.

  
“I didn’t think it’d end like this.” Chewie would shrug, take a drink.

  
“No point worrying about it now.” He’d try to be like Han, make light of it, thinking that’s what she needed.

  
“Did you mean it,” She’d ask, “When you called me little sister.”

  
He’d drop the act, swoop her up in his arms, her feet leaving the ground. “Little sister.” He’d reassure. She’d bury her face in his fur, allowing herself this. Allowing herself a family.

  
“Goodbye Chewie.”  
“Until next time, little sister.”

  
Her eyes are open as the light encompasses them.  
A room of one’s own. A life of one’s own. A family of one’s own.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short companion piece to Big Damn Heroes. I wanted to make myself sad, but also liked the idea of Jyn having a life beyond Saw, Crime, and the Rebellion. Also I maintain that Jyn and Han would be smuggler bros and the nickname of this series in Smuggler Bros. 
> 
> Please leave kudos/comments! You can come chat with me about Star Wars at tumblr or twitter at broromini!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
